14 January 2006

today is the day

so i've officially moved into my apartment. it's a bit satisfying to be in a new place and have all my stuff in it. however, i'm not officially unpacked yet. baby steps. all baby steps. haha. i hope you all have had a wonderful first two weeks of the year. i have been blown away by the Lord's provision this week. just to mention it to you. i thought you might like to know. i'm learning so much about how the Lord works in my life. i keep thinking that i'm alone. that i'm going to be alone forever. it's a depressing thought if you let it be. i know that my life is not that way, but the enemy keeps on putting that thought in my mind. the thought that i have nothing and have no way of making my life have some meaning. but how untrue that is! the Lord is completely working in my life. sometimes i have to stop and look for it. but that doesn't mean He is isn't right there weaving His beauty into my life and making me more aware of His wonder. what a beautiful God! i am just constantly amazed by the wonder that the Lord reveals. there is such beauty and glory if you just stop and look at it. (i.e. this amazing picture of the sunset from the cruise ship....beautiful huh?!!)
i am also becoming more aware of the ways that i try to doubt the power and grace of God. i shy away from committing my everything to Him. i think it's because i'm just selfish and afraid. but those are two of the dumbest reasons to ever doubt. i have been reading this donald miller book that is now called through painted deserts (it used to be named the art of volkswagon maintenance or something like that)...but the Lord has been talking to me through this story of travel as told by don. i can't remember exactly where he talks about it, but he mentions several times the "why's" of life vs. the "how's" of life. it's like we think of the how constantly, and the why not as much. we are wondering how to get a spouse, how to be successful, how to find a career, how to whatever...blah blah...but we aren't asking the why...why is there love, why does it seem hard to find what would make you happy????? that got me thinking. why God sees me as worthy enough to receive His love? why am i so focused on getting married? why have i focused so much on the how's and missed the whys???? this forces you to look within...that could be scary, so proceed with caution!! i have looked at the how so much that i have missed lots of beautiful blessings in my life. i have the greatest friends, and i need to ask myself why they like to hang out with me....haha. just kidding. but seriously, in light of the thoughts that i'm getting about that, i am making my song for today a classic...brace yourself, cause it's U2. love you guys so much, and start thinking!!! haha. kisses.
(p.s. sorry this is so long tonight! thanks for putting up with me!)

I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For

I have climbed highest mountain
I have run through the fields
Only to be with you, only to be with you

I have run, I have crawled
I have scaled these city walls, these city walls
Only to be with you
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for

I have kissed honey lips, felt the healing in her fingertips
It burned like fire, This burning desire

I have spoke with the tongue of angels
I have held the hand of a devil
It was warm in the night
I was cold as a stone
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for

I believe in the kingdom come
Then all the colors will bleed into one, bleed into one
Well yes I'm still running

You broke the bonds and you loosed the chains
Carried the cross, of my shame, of my shame
You know I believe it
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for...

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