09 November 2006

love is all around me, it's everywhere you go....

Mood: contemplative

(official disclaimer from me....this is a lot deeper than what i usually write and ended up being sappier than anything, but if you want to read it, that's obviously what it's here for....and don't worry, there's still song lyrics in here...you just have to find them!!!)

i think love is the most important thing. ever. there are so many reasons why, but recently i was reminded of it by a friend of mine. i love when people can show you things that God is trying to tell you. getting to see faces that just make you smile--you don't know why or how, but they are faces that just seem to force a joyful expression to your face--those are faces of people that i love. i think it's so amazing the way that God brings that joy into your life. the joy of friendships. and of family.

friends have always been so valuable to me. i have always considered my friends to be my family, so if you are someone that i talk to on a daily basis, or even weekly, or monthly, know that is what i consider you to be. and you mean the world to me. when i lose touch with a friend, it really hears me, like losing another family member...which i realized recently has been more devastating than i had ever though.

i recently got a birthday card in the mail from my aunt. i haven't seen her in 7 years--the last time i saw her was for my high school graduation. it's not that she lives far away, or that i can't seem to get to her house, it's just that somehow,, she has slipped out of my life. after my dad died, we didn't see much of her. i don't know if i wasn't considered to be as much a part of their family anymore or what, but suddenly i felt like i was on the outside. but every year, i got another birthday card with a check for $25 in it. from the time i was about 6 years old to now.

my freshman year of high school, i got a letter at christmas from my aunt, saying that my meemaw had died a couple of months earlier, and suddenly i was filled with such unbelievable grief that i was actually angry, an emotion that i don't really express much. (that sounds ridiculous to say, but that's the best way i can describe it) it was like my dad had died all over again--it just didn't seem fair. that all these people were just gone, with no real goodbyes. that just hurt my heart all over again. it felt like that solidified a break--a break from that part of my family, like the only thing i had to connect me with them was my last name.

so anyways, i got this card in the mail, and as soon as i opened it, i just started crying. it didn't matter that all that stuff and hurt and grief had happened in the past. my aunt thought enough about me to send me another cutesy halloween card with a check for $25 in it. every year. what love that she has for me, that every single year, wihtout fail, she send me that card. and the messages on them are always so cheesy...like i'm still a little girl (i.e. here's "witching" you a happy halloween...i've seen them all), but i LOVE them. i treasure them, because i see the value. i get the message. love is all around me. it's one of those things that you can see in everything. all you have to do is open your eyes to it. how beautiful. God created love--it's manifested in everything you see--people can surprise you with their love for you.

i didn't mean to go that deep with it, but i just had to say that i am so blessed. i was simply going to talk about how the love of wonderful friends has changed my life--about how seeing God in the faces that bless me every day--but i think i will leave it at God creating love and showing us that love every day. in some way or another, we all get to see it.

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